When a Door Closes

This Wednesday will be exactly 5 years since my dad passed away. His passing was terrible and tragic, but like most people who have been through tragedies know: somehow you muster the strength to go on (even though for a short while you think you can't). They say that when God closes a door he opens a window. My father's passing was definitely the shutting of a door, but luckily in February (6 months later) God opened a window and I met Brandon. Unfortunately Brandon will never know my father and I'm sure those of you who did know him would agree that Brandon definitely missed out on knowing a wonderful, unique soul.

Even though Brandon will never know him like I did, it's so amazing to me how many qualities that Brandon and my dad share. Some of those qualities are good (like his humor, handiness, and charisma) and some of them not so good (like his love for bantering with waitresses - while humorous, annoying sometimes, haha). The thing I missed most when my dad passed was that feeling of being taken care of. Brandon reminds me the most of my dad in this way. Just like dad, Brandon not only enjoys taking care of me, but he is good at it. From car maintenance to car shopping and from building things to product research, he's committed to helping me and ensuring that we make good decisions. We have been making so many decisions about our family since we found out we were expecting, and even though people know I love to be in charge and make decisions, I cherish the fact that I can rely on Brandon and I don't always have to be in charge.

There are many things that make this year's anniversary of dad's passing harder than usual, but the most prominent is the fact that he'll never get to be "Kram" (this will make you laugh if you knew him) to our little boy, John Mark. The only thing that gives me solace in this sad fact is the fact that even though he won't get to have my dad as his grandfather, he will get to have Brandon as his father. What a lucky boy John Mark is!

My dad was really funny and silly. This was great (even all our friends wished their dad was like ours), but sometimes my sister, mom and I just wanted him to chill out and be calm for just a moment. When we would complain he would say, "Would you like to have a serious dad instead?" and of course, we'd say no. Just like my dad, Brandon will give our children sense of security while also being a fun, "non-serious" dad - I know our children's friends will think Brandon is so cool! Brandon may not know it yet, but I know what a great father he will be. He has just the perfect balance of humor and fun mixed with sensibility and responsibility to give our children a life they wouldn't trade for the world. Living up to my dad's legacy (all his special and unique qualities), will be no problem for Brandon. I can't wait to see him get the chance!

My dad was great and Brandon will be too, but I also have to point out that the kind of parent you are has a lot to do with the kind of spouse you have. I can't end this blog without pointing out that my mother was the perfect balance to my father and that Kara and I needed both of them to have the kind of childhood we had. We are so incredibly lucky to have had the set of parents we were given. I cannot wait to put into practice all the things my mother taught me. Hopefully if Brandon and I can live up to my mother and father's example, then I know our children will have a memorable, special, happy childhood.

Gatorade & Kayaks

As I write, I am uploading our wedding photos to facebook (finally!). It's not lost on us how funny it is that we found out we were expecting before we even got our wedding photos back. It's very strange looking at them thinking about how that was the last photos we have of us before we were pregnant. What's even weirder is looking at our honeymoon photos - we were expecting and didn't even know it then!

Even though that wasn't too long ago, life has already started to change. First up on things to get used to: the realization that daycare for infants is going to cost us an arm and a leg (or one fishing kayak per month). Brandon has been yearning for a fishing kayak for months now. I told him today that at the price we will pay for daycare per month we could afford to buy him one fishing kayak per month! 

On another note, we have chosen a name. Brandon's first name is John and Dad's first name was Mark, so our baby will be "John Mark." My whole life I imagined having a girl first, which we would have named "Helen Claire" after my maternal grandmother. I've never even given thought to boy names (or any other girl names for that matter), so finding a name we loved posed a challenge at first. I wasn't even sure that it was "THE name" until someone at work referred to our baby as "John Mark." Hearing it like that not only made the idea of our baby more real, but it also made me realize that no other name would do. We are John Mark's parents...so surreal! I just can't wait to meet him...

Sometimes that moment seems so far away like when I think about it in days 168 to be exact. Sometimes it seems closer than I'd like; for instance, when I catch birthing scenes on T.V. or when I think about how the Gatorade in our fridge will last longer than my pregnancy (not guaranteed fresh after March 13th) and how much stuff we will need to do and buy before the Gatorade goes bad. Guess we better get on it!

25 Weeks To Go

Brandon and I found out we were expecting at about 7 weeks along. In a way I'm so glad we didn't know until 7 weeks because most doctors won't see you until 8 weeks and you really shouldn't start spreading the news until much after that...if we had had to wait any longer to tell our close friends and family and to see it on the ultrasound screen I certainly would have exploded.

Ever since then I've looked forward to Fridays because that's when I start a new week. I wake up eager to read my Baby Bump app to see what the baby will be doing this week. I now think of everything in weeks...how many weeks will I be at the Fall Carnival? Iron Bowl? Christmas? New Years...and all the other milestones that we associate with this time of year. Before I was pregnant and people would tell me how many weeks they were, I couldn't have been more clueless. I always wondered why they didn't tell me in months (something I could digest a bit faster), but now I know it's because the baby changes so much week to week that weeks are an important increment of time when it comes to pregnancy. I guess when the baby is born you still think of life in terms of weeks and then months until they're older...it looks like it'll be a while before we start thinking about time in terms of years again!

Speaking of weeks, on Friday I will be 15 weeks (almost 4 months for those who also think in months). In case you're trying to do the math, Brandon and I were married on Friday, June 15th, 13 weeks ago. The first two weeks of the 40 week pregnancy cycle you're actually not pregnant (seriously, google it), so, yes, this is our Wedding Night Baby :) While at times we worried that it was too soon to be adding to our new family of two, we now realize it was perfect timing and it makes for a great wedding memento.

Not Cutting Any Tags Off Yet, But...

I've always imagined having a cute gender reveal party - the kind where the couple gets the ultrasound technician to write the sex of the baby and seal it in an envelope so they can take it to a bakery, have them fill it with pink or blue icing, and then find out along with their family members the gender of the baby. However, this did not happen for us. For one thing, we went to a specialist and happened to find out the gender 8 weeks earlier than most couples. We weren't sure how "sure" the doctor would be about the gender, but when he saw the ultrasound he declared he was more that 95% sure. We didn't have a party planned because we thought we'd still be guessing this early even with a good ultrasound.

Prior to the ultra sound, I was SURE it was a girl (based on strong feelings and many dreams), but Brandon was just as SURE it was a boy. When the ultrasound technician made her guess of "boy," we were overjoyed. Surprisingly I didn't react with surprise even though I had been so certain it was a girl...maybe my body knew that my brain was lying to myself about those feelings. Somehow just knowing it's gender made my connection with the thing growing inside me even stronger. I'm just glad to know what it is and to know that it is perfectly healthy. Of course, Brandon is more than glad...he's so ecstatic about producing a boy. He keeps sending me texts with pictures of things our son might need (boots, really?).

Even though we didn't get to have the gender reveal party I had imagined, it didn't take away from our joy any. Finding out (somewhat unexpectedly) with just each other in the romantically lit ultrasound room that Monday afternoon was special enough for us.

P.S. The reason I labeled this "Not cutting off any tags yet," is because there's still a 1 in 20 chance it's a girl...my fingers and toes are crossed, haha :)