Easier or harder than you thought?

I've been saying to myself, "I need to blog" for a while now. However, all the times I have blogged before I have had something on my mind before I started writing - a feeling I wanted to remember, a lesson I'd learned, etc. Well lately, all that has been going on in my head is, "When do I nurse him next?" I'm not trying to be dramatic, but really my thoughts have not been much deeper than that - everything I do revolves around feeding John Mark. I have started to write a few times and thought, "I have nothing to say." However, one reason I am keeping this blog is so that I'll remember what life was like with a little one, so I've been trying really hard to come up with a worthy sentiment to record. Well I waited long enough and I finally came up with something to write about...

Twice in the past two days I've been asked the question: "Is motherhood easier or harder than you thought?" I thought this was a blog-worthy question.

The truth is, there is NO way to know or predict what it will be like before you actually do it. I tried my hardest to figure it out before it was born...I read at least 3 books and thousands of articles I pinned on Pinterest. However, I literally forgot everything I read and just now, at 5 weeks, some of the things I learned before he was born are actually coming back to me and being relevant/helpful. When he was first born, things were difficult, but I was so on autopilot that I don't even think I realized how hard things were. I was dirty and tired, but my brain was focused on keeping this little one alive. Back then I would hop out of bed at the first signs of a hunger cry no matter what time of night it was (now I don't "hop to" quite as fast). I kept thinking I was doing well for having a newborn, but then the lack of sleep would catch up with me and I'd have a mini-breakdown. So, looking back, I'd say that the beginning was way harder than I imagined (basically because I didn't know what to imagine), but in the moment I really didn't realize how hard things were (what a blessing in disguise).

Basically, the bottom line to that question is is that each week it gets a little easier and each week I look at the proceeding weeks thinking, "How did I do it?? It was so hard back when ____." (Fill in the blank with "when he wouldn't take a paci," "when he wouldn't go back to bed quickly after feedings," "when he took several minutes to latch on," etc.). Each week I'm grateful that we made it another week and that things are a little easier. The amazing thing is that, as mothers, we just do what we have to do and don't ask why or how. I've trusted my instincts (no longer referring to books and articles) and John Mark is gaining weight and sleeping "though the night" (yes, we get up 3 times to nurse, but because he's not really "awake" and because he falls immediately back to sleep afterwards, I'm going to call it "sleeping through the night"), so I'd say the first few weeks of his life has been a success and I didn't need all that book-knowledge to keep him alive like I'd imagined.

Other than trusting your instincts and knowing "this too shall pass," I'd advise other mothers to:
1) have a series on Netflix to watch from the beginning (late night feedings would be MUCH harder without Gossip Girl)
2) get EVERYTHING you need before you sit down to nurse (no matter how hard the baby is crying)...this means remotes, phones, a snack, water, etc. because once you sit down you're not getting up for 45 minutes and that can feel even longer when those items are just out of reach
3) get out of the house...the first few weeks of John Mark's life (after mom left) were very isolating...being out in the sunshine (even if it is for a car ride) can change your whole mood
4) take tons of photos and videos...I already love looking back at old snippets of video I take on my iphone and hearing him/seeing his expressions and how he's changed...I keep thinking he doesn't look/sound that much different, but these little videos are evidence that things are changing more rapidly than I realize on a daily basis

John Mark is changing so fast. We got his newborn photos back yesterday (will post soon). Those photos were taken at 2 weeks old and today he is 5 weeks old. He already looks so much different than the newborn photos. He's having more "awake" hours and likes to sit on my lap when awake and look all around. In one of my earlier blogs I said that pregnancy was all about waiting for the next milestone and it turns out that infant-hood is much the same...right now I can't wait for him to laugh and play with the toys (and all the other contraptions we purchased while pregnant).

Here's one of his newborn photos: