Brandon rarely posts to Facebook, so when he does I know it must be something he thinks is important or really funny. When I saw he had posted an article about parenting, I was intrigued. I quickly clicked and read. I think this article is really funny, and also important because new parents need to know what's normal and this article certainly helps make parents feel normal in a new era of their lives. Here's the link:
I'm going to add some of my own:
32. Your baby will prefer non-toy items over actual toys (remote, baby hair brush, collapsible canvas crates...). They also love tags on any item; unless that item is a real baby toy covered in tags intended for babies to play with. In that case, the tags will be far less appealing.
33. No matter how organized you are, you (and your spouse) will become absent minded and possibly miss your 9 month old doctor's appointment even though you had notes posted everywhere. You'll consider writing yourself notes to remind yourself to look at your notes.
34. Even though you may restrain yourself when your baby is really young, when they get older and cuter your facebook is transformed into your mombook and you just can't stop posting pictures. You won't mind if people unfriend you or hide you from their feed. You'll be "that mom" and you won't care.
35. Unless your baby clothes are very organized and your a psychic who knows what size your baby will be wearing in which season, you will miss the opportunity for your child to wear certain outfits. The fact that sizes vary among brands only makes this more likely to happen to you.
36. For all the time you spend in the Ladies Room before your baby is born, you'll balance that out with significantly less visits once your baby is here. You will find out that you can wait longer than you thought before finally going. You'll get so involved with what you're doing, that you put some things on the back burner until baby is asleep.
37. Even though you hated it when people did it to you, you will tell expecting moms to "sleep now" and "just wait."
38. You will not be able to focus on T.V. even when it appears that you are watching. You'll have to watch shows like Ellen, Chopped, Modern Family reruns, and other shows that you can go in and out of paying attention to and still enjoy. Previously enjoyed shows like Dateline, 48 Hours, and shows with a plot that needs to be carefully followed will not be as easy to enjoy.
39. Even if it embarrasses your husband, you will sniff your baby's bottom in public. You'll do anything to avoid an unnecessary visit to the restroom for a diaper change. This is especially true in winter when pants, shoes, and socks make diaper changing more challenging than usual.
40. Your DVR will be full, but your fridge will be empty.
41. When it comes to parenting, you'll adopt a "never say never" attitude because you cannot predict what you will or will not do when yours and your baby's happiness and comfort is at stake.
Here's the text from the Huffington Post, 10/26/2013. I highlighted the ones that I found especially true:
As an expectant mom or new mom, you have seen this list in some form before. The "things that no one tells you." Well, most of those lists are missing something. These are some of those missing gems.
1. It will take you at least five hours to watch a movie at home.
2. You will rush through all of your meals as if you were in an eating contest.
3. Sometimes, your baby will be in plain sight when you have sex. And he/she might not be sleeping. Yes, that means watching you.
4. You will compare and contrast your baby against all others and think yours is the Best. Baby. Ever.
5. Things that seem overpriced and worthless end up being what your baby loves most (Toy Bar - $34, Sophie le Giraffe - $20, Happy Baby - priceless).
6. Since your baby wants to mimic you, you will be forced to hand over expensive electronics and pray that they won't be ruined.
7. You think your parents will help out, but they won't be nearly as helpful as you hope.
8. You will become an adult and your non-adult friends will fade away.
9. You will think a lot about your relationship with your parents and notice how you are paradoxically becoming them and reacting against them.
10. No matter how great your relationship is with your spouse, you will experience more conflict than you ever did before.
11. You will be embarrassed and humbled by cleaning up poop, experiencing your child screaming in public and/or being that person who is slowing everyone down/getting in the way.
12. You will love your partner more than ever. Especially when daily sacrifices become acts of heroism.
13. You will hate your partner more than ever. Especially when you are bleary-eyed and under-appreciated. So basically, most of the time. You'll have to tap into reserves of love, patience and tolerance you never knew you had.
14. You will make noises you did not know were possible in an effort to elicit a smile from your baby. Some of those sounds will be obscene.
15. You will learn that the symptoms of sleep deprivation closely resemble severe mental illness.
16. Being asleep by 10 and awake at 6 on a Saturday night has never seemed so glamorous.
17. Your newfound interest in poop will frighten you. When, how much, color, consistency -- you may talk about poop more than anything else.
18. You will realize that you never knew this kind of deep love until now.
19. Your breasts are no longer your partner's (or yours).
20. You'll find yourself making up ridiculous songs with running commentary on your every move.
21. You will have the highest highs and the lowest lows, possibly all within microseconds of each other.
22. Although you may have appreciated oldies before, you will now catch yourself humming or singing nursery rhymes and ditties from the baby's toys.
23. No matter how much baby-proofing you do, your baby will find the one thing you didn't baby-proof.
24. No matter how good your intentions are, keeping up with your baby book is nearly impossible.
25. No one can truly prepare you for what will happen to your body. Hemorrhoids. Stretch Marks. Muffin Top.
26. You are so worried about what your child eats, how much, when, etc. you can forget to eat yourself. Or there is just no time to eat. You may find yourself standing in front of the fridge holding your baby and stuffing string cheese into your mouth.
27. Taking care of your baby will swallow up all your time. You may go days without showering.
28. It's hard to talk about anything other than baby. If you somehow manage to go on a date with your partner and make a concerted effort to avoid the subject, you will probably be rewarded with some awkward silences.
29. You become insanely paranoid. Every toy, blanket, crib, etc. is a potential threat to your baby's well-being.
30. You find that "parenting" joins religion, politics and sex as topics unfit for polite conversation (but poop is allowed!).
31. You think airport security sucked before?
By:
32. Your baby will prefer non-toy items over actual toys (remote, baby hair brush, collapsible canvas crates...). They also love tags on any item; unless that item is a real baby toy covered in tags intended for babies to play with. In that case, the tags will be far less appealing.
33. No matter how organized you are, you (and your spouse) will become absent minded and possibly miss your 9 month old doctor's appointment even though you had notes posted everywhere. You'll consider writing yourself notes to remind yourself to look at your notes.
34. Even though you may restrain yourself when your baby is really young, when they get older and cuter your facebook is transformed into your mombook and you just can't stop posting pictures. You won't mind if people unfriend you or hide you from their feed. You'll be "that mom" and you won't care.
35. Unless your baby clothes are very organized and your a psychic who knows what size your baby will be wearing in which season, you will miss the opportunity for your child to wear certain outfits. The fact that sizes vary among brands only makes this more likely to happen to you.
36. For all the time you spend in the Ladies Room before your baby is born, you'll balance that out with significantly less visits once your baby is here. You will find out that you can wait longer than you thought before finally going. You'll get so involved with what you're doing, that you put some things on the back burner until baby is asleep.
37. Even though you hated it when people did it to you, you will tell expecting moms to "sleep now" and "just wait."
38. You will not be able to focus on T.V. even when it appears that you are watching. You'll have to watch shows like Ellen, Chopped, Modern Family reruns, and other shows that you can go in and out of paying attention to and still enjoy. Previously enjoyed shows like Dateline, 48 Hours, and shows with a plot that needs to be carefully followed will not be as easy to enjoy.
39. Even if it embarrasses your husband, you will sniff your baby's bottom in public. You'll do anything to avoid an unnecessary visit to the restroom for a diaper change. This is especially true in winter when pants, shoes, and socks make diaper changing more challenging than usual.
40. Your DVR will be full, but your fridge will be empty.
41. When it comes to parenting, you'll adopt a "never say never" attitude because you cannot predict what you will or will not do when yours and your baby's happiness and comfort is at stake.
Here's the text from the Huffington Post, 10/26/2013. I highlighted the ones that I found especially true:
As an expectant mom or new mom, you have seen this list in some form before. The "things that no one tells you." Well, most of those lists are missing something. These are some of those missing gems.
1. It will take you at least five hours to watch a movie at home.
2. You will rush through all of your meals as if you were in an eating contest.
3. Sometimes, your baby will be in plain sight when you have sex. And he/she might not be sleeping. Yes, that means watching you.
4. You will compare and contrast your baby against all others and think yours is the Best. Baby. Ever.
5. Things that seem overpriced and worthless end up being what your baby loves most (Toy Bar - $34, Sophie le Giraffe - $20, Happy Baby - priceless).
6. Since your baby wants to mimic you, you will be forced to hand over expensive electronics and pray that they won't be ruined.
7. You think your parents will help out, but they won't be nearly as helpful as you hope.
8. You will become an adult and your non-adult friends will fade away.
9. You will think a lot about your relationship with your parents and notice how you are paradoxically becoming them and reacting against them.
10. No matter how great your relationship is with your spouse, you will experience more conflict than you ever did before.
11. You will be embarrassed and humbled by cleaning up poop, experiencing your child screaming in public and/or being that person who is slowing everyone down/getting in the way.
12. You will love your partner more than ever. Especially when daily sacrifices become acts of heroism.
13. You will hate your partner more than ever. Especially when you are bleary-eyed and under-appreciated. So basically, most of the time. You'll have to tap into reserves of love, patience and tolerance you never knew you had.
14. You will make noises you did not know were possible in an effort to elicit a smile from your baby. Some of those sounds will be obscene.
15. You will learn that the symptoms of sleep deprivation closely resemble severe mental illness.
16. Being asleep by 10 and awake at 6 on a Saturday night has never seemed so glamorous.
17. Your newfound interest in poop will frighten you. When, how much, color, consistency -- you may talk about poop more than anything else.
18. You will realize that you never knew this kind of deep love until now.
19. Your breasts are no longer your partner's (or yours).
20. You'll find yourself making up ridiculous songs with running commentary on your every move.
21. You will have the highest highs and the lowest lows, possibly all within microseconds of each other.
22. Although you may have appreciated oldies before, you will now catch yourself humming or singing nursery rhymes and ditties from the baby's toys.
23. No matter how much baby-proofing you do, your baby will find the one thing you didn't baby-proof.
24. No matter how good your intentions are, keeping up with your baby book is nearly impossible.
25. No one can truly prepare you for what will happen to your body. Hemorrhoids. Stretch Marks. Muffin Top.
26. You are so worried about what your child eats, how much, when, etc. you can forget to eat yourself. Or there is just no time to eat. You may find yourself standing in front of the fridge holding your baby and stuffing string cheese into your mouth.
27. Taking care of your baby will swallow up all your time. You may go days without showering.
28. It's hard to talk about anything other than baby. If you somehow manage to go on a date with your partner and make a concerted effort to avoid the subject, you will probably be rewarded with some awkward silences.
29. You become insanely paranoid. Every toy, blanket, crib, etc. is a potential threat to your baby's well-being.
30. You find that "parenting" joins religion, politics and sex as topics unfit for polite conversation (but poop is allowed!).
31. You think airport security sucked before?
By:
