Wanted: Flexible Baby

So a while back I temporarily got hooked on a show called Pregnant in Heels about a maternity concierge in New York City. The only episode that stands out in my mind is about a couple, who at the time, I thought was completely crazy. They wanted Rosie Pope's help in making sure they had a "flexible" baby. No, not flexible like a gymnast, but flexible as in a baby that is "up for anything" and that will "go with the flow." Basically the couple wants to make as few adjustments as possible for life with baby (they want to have their baby and keep their social life too). In the episode the maternity concierge takes them to a vineyard with a training baby that cries just like a real one would when hungry, wet, or just because. The trip is a nightmare and, of course, the couple realizes that life with babies is unpredictable and that the best you can do is adjust to the baby and take your cues from its patterns and plan accordingly. Life doesn't stop, but it changes - drastically.

Remember how I said I used to think the couple was crazy? Well, the reality of having a baby on the way can sometimes lead Brandon and I into a world of denial. I started to think maybe they're not so crazy after all...I have started to think if anyone can have a flexible baby it's Brandon and me, right? While reading my most recent baby prep book, Babyproofing Your Marriage, I kept reading about how busy and tiring parenting will be, but it never really does explain exactly what you'll be doing that has you so busy and tired. When I was telling Brandon about the book he kept saying things like "What is going to be so hard?" and "What exactly will you be doing while off for 5 months?" You think I'd know what to say back to him, but when I said changing diapers and feeding him it even sounded weird to me - could that possibly keep me busy for 24 hours a day? "Maybe it won't be that bad after all," I'd think. I guess I know deep down that we are wrong and that we must be missing something, but when you haven't done it yet it's hard to imagine what is going to keep you so busy. And here's what else we keep thinking: "I'm pretty organized...maybe it won't be that bad for ME (for them - yes, for me - no)."

So there are two things keeping us living in a fantasy world - the ideas that 1) Maybe it's not as bad as everyone says (hopefully they're all just exaggerating) and 2) Maybe if it really is that bad, it won't be that bad for us because we will find a way to master and overcome it like no one has before. Yes, as I type this I realize how crazy this sounds (especially to people who are already parents), but I think we have to tell ourselves these things in order to calm us down and give us hope (even though we know we are wrong).

At the end of the Pregnancy in Heels show she always tries to give the couple a new perspective that will help them with whatever it is their wants and fears are. The couple goes to the park with another couple and their children. The couple with children talks about how their life changed, but assures them that life doesn't stop, but that actually gets better. Though we can't imagine how life watching only kid movies, not being able to nap uninterrupted as you please, and spending our money on daycare (rather than fishing kayaks) could be defined as better, we have to have faith that all the parents who have gone before us are right. It will all be worth it in the end and, at some point, we won't be able to imagine life before John Mark!

P.S. There's no need to send me messages telling me about the realities of parenting...we are doing a lot of reading and trying to prepare. I think the bottom line is that we won't "get it" until he arrives! Just let us enjoy this last little bit of denial :)